THIS IS MY STORY... SHAWN

Age: 26

Hometown: Waterford/Lake Orion

Resides: Clarkston

I AM

SHAWN BAGAZINSKI

AND THIS IS MY STORY

Family was my main struggle. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. When that happened I lived with my mom and siblings. And not long after, my mom remarried an abusive alcoholic. Slowly in time the alcoholic was also my mother. When I was about 10 years old, my mother was hospitalize. Since she was currently residing at the hospital my sibling and I had to live with my father, his wife and their family. Now mind you, I was 2 when the divorced each other. Never really talked to my father and never had a relationship that I could remember. So living with, yeah I would say it was very hard to adjust to. My life totally changed. The sister I shared a bedroom with, stories, hugs and kisses, I felt like I had abandoned her. I lost contact with my mom’s side of the family. I could remember every Sunday we would get together and just have a great time. Now I live with people I barely know. It was very hard to adjust to so much. So with that, I felt that my friends will be that perfect family I was wanting. Their parents became my parents, their house became my house, and while I was there I was in this somewhat perfect lifestyle. I never wanted to be like my parents, so I learned from them. As I grew up I realized some things, one being able to hold high standards for guys. I wasn’t as comfortable with them because of the absent men in my life. That is one thing I can turn back and say I am glad that my high standards are a reason for protection. Going through a tough time people find ways to vent. And I did just that through poetry, reading, cheerleading, just doing something productive, and of course music. Everything had its own purpose to express myself through it. Poetry was to take the weight off my chest and was my private thoughts. Cheerleading was for me to be happy and just be me. Reading was so I can pretend I am a character in a book. Doing something productive was to make me feel like I am making a difference. And music was my comfort. When I moved to my dad’s house I would cry myself to sleep and asking God, “Why is this happening to my mom?” “Why is she sick?”. Times goes by and as I matured, I realized my mom was an alcoholic. My question then changed into “What am I suppose to learn from this?”. “What is the lesson that God is giving me?” “Why am I going through this?” And he defiantly answered the questions I had. Once I graduated high school. I started coming to Faith Church every week. That led into getting involved, which led into the young adult program they provided. I formed friendships and relationships. I looked up to people as mentors who taught me through bible studies and meetings. God defiantly showed me how to use the things I learned and how I can help other people with my knowledge and my life experience. And I personally think that is what we can to with our hard times and struggles, help other people who go through the same thing. Give them hope, strength, and encouragement. I love talking to younger girls who are going through the same thing. Showing them that God has not forgot about you, there is a purpose for you and the life you are given. Difficult times either draw you near to God, because your looking to him for answers or draw you away from God, because you feel you have the answers. With that being my decision, I defiantly feel close to God than ever. My relationship with Christ is stronger now, I think because the obstacles I was dealt with. I had to look for healing through Christ because my healing is not going to come from any thing in this world like, drinking, partying, smoking, guys, food or shopping. My healing does not even come from the fact that my mom is sober now. Yes, my mom being sober is a prayer answered, but my healing is Christ. I became whole through him. 

With my past experiences, I believe it has given me more compassion for others. I have compassion ,but I have higher standards for those who don’t have standards for themselves. For example, young girls who have divorced parents, deceased parents, abusive or alcoholic parents, who wallow in self pity. I want them to look at it in a different perspective, like what is God teaching me? How can I use this? What is his plan for me? Like I said though, I do have compassion for those. I can understand or relate to what people have struggled or is struggling with. Maybe they never encountered someone with any type of relation to their situation and they feel like it is their fault. I used to think it was my fault my mom was sick and my mom drank. And maybe they are feeling the exact same way and feel like no one understands that because they haven’t dealt with a mother who is an alcoholic and does nothing with her life. That is on the verge of death more than once and hospitalized time after time. I just think that God has granted me a unique ability to reach out to these young girls about this very same situation. To help them and be their journal they wrote in everyday. There are some walls we do need to break down beforehand. For the longest time I had so much pride and did not want to accept help from no one. I learned to accept help because no one can do it alone. God places people in your life  to help you. So in me, I have a drive to help people. Mission work is huge in my heart, and not like just go to Honduras for a week and paint a fence, not that theres nothing wrong with that so please don’t get me wrong, but mission work locally. The bottom line is I just want to help people, globally, locally, in any way possible and make a difference. I think our generation has had the most broken homes, with that we feel can’t do anything of worth. I just want to encourage and tell them that we are the future and we are the difference only if we try. 

I believe where I am in life is because of the Lord. He provided a church family for me. They were always there and picked me up. Their encouragement along the way help me in so many ways. They taught me and gave me opportunities to grow in so many ways. Relying on God and seeking him, asking him to guide me and what steps I should take. Asking him to give me the p to finish college and every life challenge. If I were relying on my own strength none of it would of happened. I wouldn't be where I am in life right now.

My Message of HOPE to you...

God can use you. No matter where you are, no matter who you are, no matter what you have been through, no matter where you think you may or may not be going, God only has us failures to use. He can use all of your situations, all of your struggles, everything you are still struggling with to glorify him and make a difference. Each individual has a unique story. Each individual has a specific calling, a specific task that God has them to do. And everything you go through equips you for that. Never give up and don’t count yourself short. My challenge to you is that you read Psalm 139 and hear what God speaks to your heart.